Bad day

Feeling very agitated today. Not sure why, but I just am. It could be that I have stopped taking my "happy pills" They have side effects that my husband doesn't like and then he is unhappy. So I guess I just feel that I have to pick between 2 lesser evils. The problem is to make him happy one way means making everyone unhappy in a other way. I know I am being mean, I know I am being a nag, but I seem unable to stop. I get unhappy about one thing and then it is a snowball effect. The thing is I don't even know for sure what it was or is that is making me so unhappy. I know I am unhappy and frustrated with myself a lot. My house is too small and in such bad shape and I try to see the bright side of things and be grateful for what I have and know others are in worse shape than I am, but I just get angry. I hate living like this and I swear if one more person tells me to look at the bright side and make due with what I have I will scream. Or if i hear someone say give up one of your luxuries. Let's see, is heat a luxury, how about electricity, maybe food, that for sure is a luxury. Car insurance, that is definitly a waste of money. Who needs it. Rent, who likes paying that.The health insurance my husband pays through work could go. We don't really need to go to the dr.'s. Wait, I got it, the gasoline my husband uses to go to work. We do eat out more than we should and we rent movies. I have internet and we each have a $30 a  month prepaid cell phone. I guess these are all luxuries. We wouldn't die without them.  I make due every day. I shop at the thrift stores, and yard sales. we don't have cable or satelite. I have internet an watch TV online. My husband does buy me craft supplies to try and keep me busy. I try and see the bright side all the time. What I find hard is that nothing seems to change or get brighter. I don't even want to try anymore. I just want to live in my own little bubble and forget the rest of the world even exists. I think if I can keep the outside world at bay at least things won't get any worse. I can handle the now, it is the tomorrow that scares me. I wonder if it is a PTSD thing or if I just really am a miserable, ungrateful person who wants to be handed everything in life. Maybe I really am just lazy and hopeless. I hope tomorrow is a better day. Gotta get back on track. The pity party is over!